On time, woo-hoo!!!

Day 23

Least Favorite Monster – oh good, I feel like ranting! My least favorite monster, the one I dare say that I hate, is the Half-Orc.

mmorcI do not apologize for my predispositions. The first orc I ever saw was the war band from the Monster Manual illustrated here. B/X describes them as nocturnal “human-like creatures who look like a combination of animal and man.” Although I love the war-like depictions from Otherworld Minatures, this has to my all time favorite orc picture: One Last Potion by Underworld Ink.  Orcs are primitive, savage, and the very embodiment of Chaos. These creature live only to kill and destroy. There is no chance for a Half-Orc. There is no degree of compatibility or even a drive toward that end. There is only pure evil and hate. Adventures should feel no guilt in slaughtering orcs by the bushel.

The tusked green-skinned uglies from the 3e era are a mockery of the concept. They are a totally different “monster” filling a totally different role.  3e orcs are like cavemen or barbarians – just stupid, mean, and antisocial. I get that some people like to play this tragic kind of character in the same way people love half-elves (thanks Tanis…). Others may prefer the obvious martial benefits.  So I can solve the problem with semantics. What the later edition books call orcs I call beastmen. Half-orcs are half-beastmen. There, go minmax to your angst-ridden heart’s desire.

But there are no half-orcs in my campaigns.